Emotions

Well my mom underwent her 3^rd “free-flap” surgery yesterday.  A year ago in November & December she underwent her 1^st & 2^nd “fibular free-flap” surgery.  Yesterday, she underwent a similar procedure however this time bone, skin and tissue was taken from her left hip.  They were not able to do the implants for the dental posts at this time.  It was a long surgical procedure 10-12 hours.  She did not get out of recovery until around 9pm.  Today she is in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (S.I.C.U.).  I have to say out of all the times I’ve been in/on this unit it did not bother me.  Today, however, I am overcome with emotions.  I am scared, sad, worried, and nervous among the many feelings.  There are so many bells, whistles and lights.  You would think that this is suppose to be a quiet place, but it’s chaotic and noisy.  There was a gentleman in there this morning almost directly across from her bed, and he was playing some soft music on his acoustic guitar, which was somewhat comforting.

I don’t want to say that she (my mom) looks good, because how can anyone in the SICU look good?  She looks horrible.  Her face is swollen, she has all kinds of tubes coming out of everywhere.  Every time they poke inside her mouth I get really nervous.  I know that they are looking for it to bleed.  At one point they (the residents) were poking around in her mouth and began to walk away.  When dad & I asked “how’s it look?”, they replied “that’s why were calling Dr. Urken”.  To me that sends up a red flag, to me that says it’s not doing bleeding.  Oh!! How I am beginning to hate this routine.  The new flap is purple in color.  On two different occasions they used leeches on the “purple” skin.  Within minutes of using the leeches the skin began to turn pink in color.  How amazing that a small little creature that we seem to fear can be used in such a medically amazing way.  I found it to be fascinating to watch.  Once they (the leech) has had his/her fill of blood, they become sleepy and fall off.  It reminds me of “tryptophan” for humans.  We left her around 8:30 so she can get some rest, she needs all that she can get. 

It’s really snowing hard here in NYC and there has also been some thunder and lighting.   Something I’ve never witnessed or at least can’t remember seeing in the middle of a snow storm.  Crazy how nature works.  Crazy how anything works.

Another Day of Waiting

I can’t believe that the first month of the New Year is already almost over.  Where does the time go?  I had planned on writing on the blog almost daily as a New Years Resolution.  However, as you can see that I have not done so.  Why do I bother making such resolutions anyway?  I can almost never keep them; actually I can NEVER keep them.  I do well for the first few weeks, and then I fall off the so-called bandwagon.  It just seems that life gets busy and I don’t have time.  Before you know it I will be back in school and my time will again be very limited for leisurely activity.

On 1/14/11 I finished the first of 4 Clinicals for the Occupational Therapy program.  I completed two weeks for my level I Fieldwork at an outpatient hand therapy clinic.  I absolutely loved it and think that I am going to pursue Hand Therapy.  I have kind of been thinking about it for a few years, but after spending two weeks in a Hand Therapy Clinic, I’ve made up my mind.  I am kicking myself in the ASS though, because I should’ve chosen this setting for my 12 week affiliate.  Oh!! Well, You live and learn I guess.

Just a few short days ago, I returned to the UC campus to get another semester underway.  I am excited, but again very anxious.  I don’t look forward to all the long hours of homework and studying.  I know it will all be well worth it in the end, but I hate all those long hours.  I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it too right.  It looks like we’ll have a lot of assignments to do, but for some reason I don’t think it will be as overwhelming as last semester. Maybe, that is because my one class last semester was a lot of busy work.  I hate busy work.

I got some great news in the mail on Friday 1/14/11, I made the Dean’s Honor List at UC.  I’ve never been on the Dean’s List before, so this is quite and accomplishment for me.  I admit I worked really hard for this.  I hope that I can maintain it and possibly graduate with high honors.  That would be great!!  It will also show all of those teachers who long ago told me that I was not college material.  As Toby Keith says in his song “How do you like me now?”  Hehehe!!!

On this snowy morning in NYC, as I sit here writing this blog, my mom is in pre-admissions getting ready to undergo yet another 10-12 hour surgery.  If I could have taken her place I would have done so in a heartbeat.  She as endured so much pain, heartache and disappointments over many years.  She is such a wonderful woman and deserves the BEST of everything.  I’ve come to accept that Beth Israel Medical Center and Gillman Hall are our home away from home.  We’ve spent so many days/nights here over the 14 months.  Even the doorman “Jimmy” at Gillman Hall considers us family.  He would do anything for us and always goes out of his way to help us out.  What a great guy.

I must prepare for a long day of waiting…….