Mammogram, Family History and a Scare

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.  First, classes have been so demanding that the workload can be  and is at times very overwhelming.  It’s been difficult since the beginning to work full-time all day and then come home and try to complete any assignments.  Sometimes I really don’t even know where to begin.  Assignments that I think will take be minutes to an hour, end up taking me 3-4 hours.  Full-time work and Full-time school; not really recommended unless you like to torture yourself and love the stress.  Me not so much, but it’s almost over.

 Since I started furthering my education, it’s been a difficult road.  My mom was pretty sick the first two years.  She spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital with surgery after surgery and infection after infection.  Things with her have settled down since about mid-summer. That has been one less thing on my mind and has given me the opportunity to put more effort and concentration into my coursework. 

Anyway, that was until recently.  On November 1 I had my annual mammogram.  I get them early because of my family history.  I had my first at 30 years old, the second at 35 and two since.  I am very cautious when it comes to my health, especially my breast health.  A week later I went for my annual OBGYN visit, so far so good.  Yeah!! That always makes me happy.  I hate those visits and am always scared of what they might find/say.  He (my OB) said all looks good and if the results are abnormal he would call, other wise it’s see you next year.  I love to hear those words (as much as I hate these appointments).  I got home and the in the mail was the usual letter from the same office regarding my mammogram, which I had just a week before.  It read: Abnormal – Further tests (digital mammogram and/or ultrasound) are required.  Please call the office to set up your next appointment.   Ok!! Now, I am scared and worried.  Should I tell my parents, especially my mom? I know how worried she gets.  I felt a lump in my throat and sick to my stomach.  The first thought – OMG!! I might have Breast Cancer at 37 years old.  It took a few days to set up another appointment, however I did it.   I have to wait almost another week, before I find out more information.  So for,  6 days I had time to think, cry, and do nothing but worry.  Oh!! And Yes!! My breast (the one they found a suspicious spot) became really tender.  Ok now is this really something to worry about or am I having psychosomatic symptoms?  I don’t know, but all I did was worry.  I did not want to tell my parents how scared I was.  I began thinking about the worst possible case scenario.  How should I prepare?  What do I need to do?  and many more horrific thoughts.  I kept thinking this can’t be happening, I am too young to have breast cancer. I am too young to die.

After all, I am almost done getting my degree.!!! It is completely insane at all the thoughts that go through one’s mind when they get such news.  I had such a difficult time keeping focus on my schoolwork the past two weeks.  Well I went to the Breast Health Center and had another mammogram and ultrasound.  Both very uncomfortable, the pinching, squeezing and the rubbing were so uncomfortable.  The ultrasound felt like it took and eternity, I am sure it was only 5-10 minutes.  When the tech, finished, she brought the doctor in and I thought, oh no!!! This can’t be good news.  Anyway, she was just there to review the films right away.  Because I have very “dense” breast tissue, she needed to make sure there was nothing that went unnoticed.  

So I was cleared and asked to come back next year.  It was recommended that I use their facility in the future: 1). Due to family history 2) the machines are more hi-tech.  

So I am relieved to say I am healthy as are my girls.   

Remember you don’t have to have a family history.  Do your self breast exams on a regular basis

Stay Healthy!!!!

Never Forgotten

As today marks the 10^th anniversary of 9/11, the day our country was attacked, it reminds me of how fortunate I am to have my family.  Ironically I sit here at 9:11 pm beginning to type this, and it’s not intentional.  I was sitting here watching a TV special (again not intentional, but I could not stop watching) on the events of that day, anyway I felt compelled to write this. 

Silly, I don’t need to be reminded because I clearly remember what I was doing that day, where I was and the fear I felt.   How could this be happening to our country?  Total sadness fills my heart and soul as I watch the images on my TV.  The feelings that I felt that day come rushing back.  I was watching the TV thinking to myself as One World Trade Center was on fire, is this a promotion for a movie?  It was all so surreal.  Then it happened a plane hit Two World Trade Center.  I almost fell to my knees. I can’t remember the exact words that came out of my mouth, but I knew we were in trouble and it was going to be a long day.  

This morning, I was at college (I had classes today). We took our morning break at 9:30 am and I took a walk outside. It was a beautifully clear September morning, the same as 9/11/01 started out to be.  I cried silently to myself and thought about those who did not survive that day, the ones’ who had no idea what happened & the ones’ who never had a fighting chance.  Although I was unable to watch or participate in any of the dedications or memorial services on campus or TV, it was not far from my mind.

           

It's hard to believe that it is now 10 years later, and yet the wounds seem so fresh, as the media keeps showing these images.  This is a day, these are the images I will never forget, ever. I am proud of the men and women that did all that they could to save the citizens of our country. People that they did not even know.  I am proud to be an American. I just hope that our country and our future generations will never have to experience what we did on that horrific day. 

May all those who lost their lives that day & the days following Rest In Peace.
God Bless!!!!!

Laura

Some much needed R & R

            What a wonderful and relaxing vacation I had this week and I truly needed it.  Sunday 7/31 after a great visit with my nephew, his wife to be and Liam (their 5 month old son); my mom and I headed west to Cazenovia, NY.  First, we made a stop at Turning Stone Casino.  We had to get our $10 free play before it expired later that night. We then continued to my grandmother’s house.  We arrived a little after 9 pm and had to unload the car.  We made our sleeping arrangements, visited for a bit and then went to bed a little after 11pm. 

            Monday was my birthday, so my mom, aunt *B* and cousin *J* went on a girls day out trip.  It was a day filled with shopping, lunch, pedicures/manicures and more shopping.  The rest of the week was full of relaxation and visiting other family members.  There was a very beautiful sunset just over the hills of Shady Knolls Farm.  What a peaceful way to end the day. !!!!

Tuesday was quiet and we spent most of the day just hanging around the house.  Later in the afternoon we did some grocery shopping.  On Wednesday we had a surprise visit from moms cousin *J*, her husband, daughter and two granddaughters. They pulled in to grandmas driveway just before 11am and we all visited for about an hour.  We had a late lunch with my aunt *A* at her house.  It was a very nice visit and lunch; homemade gourmet pizzas. 

We made our way home on Thursday afternoon.  Our first stop was at my mom’s cousins house on Oneida Lake in Verona.  Can you guess our next stop?  Yes, we had to use our free $10 free play for the week.  Oh!! My mom I think is addicted to gambling?  Hahahaaha.

Since we were not in a rush to get home, we did a little back tracking and took Rte. 20 home.  What a beautiful ride, and wow how Rte 20 has changed over the years.  It’s been a very long time, since I took this route to Cazenovia.  Mom and I were reminiscing about all the different landmarks that once stood along route 20.  Some of the little towns now look like ghost towns.  Sad really!!!!!

Now it's time to head back to work tomorrow!! I am not looking forward to it. I already got a call today from our Per Diem in distress. No Schedule, No Charts, No Information on any Patients. Ughh!!!. What the heck happened!!

Raw Emotions

So it finally happened!!!! I am not sure if I overreacted or I was right in what I said and did.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.  As many know my mom has been battling long-standing complications from a surgical procedure to remove a cancerous tumor from her jaw a few years ago.  This has left her with many scars and disfigurements on her face and neck.  I still believe that she is a beautiful woman, no matter what she looks like.  I know that she is a beautiful, strong woman and I hope I have half her courage.  Anyway, for a long time, every time we go out shopping, gambling or whatever, there are many people that stare at her.  I am usually on the defensive waiting for a sly remark or something.  Maybe I should just chill out?! 

Others just glance and smile as if to say “I’m sorry, I hope all is well”. But last night, the stares were unrelenting; the girl on the escalator and then this guy in the café at the casino.  He made no effort to control his glares.  When mom was standing up in front of him, he was looking (staring), tilting his head to get a better look at her scars and all of the surgical features.  She and dad did not see this happening.  They began to walk away and as I grabbed my things from the café table, I walked up to him and said “Take a Picture, it Lasts Longer”.  Now maybe he really did not mean anything by his actions, however, he was making it too obvious with his rude stares.  When I told my mom and dad what happened I think they were a little mad at me.  My mom in her typical fashion said “Don’t’ let it bother you, it doesn’t bother me”. 

I can’ t help it though, I love her and want to protect her.  Maybe it’s because I have been teased, picked on and bullied in school.  I know how it feels to have others stare and make rude comments.  If others only knew what she has been through and has endured over the last few years than maybe they would understand and not stare.  It’s RUDE!!!!!!!!

Beauty in a Big City

 It’s been a very long time since I last made an entry on this blog.  Mostly, because I have been very busy with school, work, and home stuff.  Actually, as you can see my whole life has been busy.  When I have some free time, which is not very often, I find myself playing games on Facebook.  I am so addicted to bejeweled blitz.  It’s this fantastic game of jewel matching.  Each round is only 1 minute, however it can turn into hours.  I usually tell myself “just one more time, just once more”.  Yes!! You see addicting.  I really need to stop playing on that stupid thing so much.  Maybe it’s just a great distraction from all of the worrisome, stressful events that are happening in my life.

Mom had yet another surgery this week to debulk some more of the tissue from previous reconstructive surgeries. Although it went well, I never take for granted that things will go along smoothly.  Her past history and track record speaks for itself.  She is just prone to infections and every time they do any surgery on her mouth her risk is quite high.  So now I get to worry some more until she has a follow-up visit on 7/8/11 and Dr. Urken say’s “it looks good, I think we are making progress”.  I hate this long delay and playing the waiting game.  I will just be keeping a very close eye on the area until then.

While in NYC, after mom’s surgery and the chance to make sure she was ok.  Dad & I went for a walk.  Who knew all of these beautiful flowers blossomed in NYC?  I took some pictures, because 1^st they were beautiful and 2^nd I couldn’t believe NYC had such wonderful flowers.   Most of our days were spent sitting in either the room we rented or in the hospital room.  So during the evenings we would walk and since it does not get dark until after 9pm, we had some nice evenings to enjoy the city.  We made our way home today and I have to say, “It’s good to be home”.  I don’t’ mind going down to the city, but I love being home.

While down in the city, I’ve decided to try my photography skills, not only at taking pictures of flowers but also the buildings.  There was a building that was right outside our windows.  Yeah! Instead of seeing loving green grass, trees and fields, you get brick after brick and rod iron fencing.   

                         
                             

 So I tried to see the beauty in the architecture. 
 Do you see the same beauty? I especially love 
 the one with the bike. 
                    

That’s all for now, I have a phone call to make and I have to finish unpacking.

Emotions

Well my mom underwent her 3^rd “free-flap” surgery yesterday.  A year ago in November & December she underwent her 1^st & 2^nd “fibular free-flap” surgery.  Yesterday, she underwent a similar procedure however this time bone, skin and tissue was taken from her left hip.  They were not able to do the implants for the dental posts at this time.  It was a long surgical procedure 10-12 hours.  She did not get out of recovery until around 9pm.  Today she is in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (S.I.C.U.).  I have to say out of all the times I’ve been in/on this unit it did not bother me.  Today, however, I am overcome with emotions.  I am scared, sad, worried, and nervous among the many feelings.  There are so many bells, whistles and lights.  You would think that this is suppose to be a quiet place, but it’s chaotic and noisy.  There was a gentleman in there this morning almost directly across from her bed, and he was playing some soft music on his acoustic guitar, which was somewhat comforting.

I don’t want to say that she (my mom) looks good, because how can anyone in the SICU look good?  She looks horrible.  Her face is swollen, she has all kinds of tubes coming out of everywhere.  Every time they poke inside her mouth I get really nervous.  I know that they are looking for it to bleed.  At one point they (the residents) were poking around in her mouth and began to walk away.  When dad & I asked “how’s it look?”, they replied “that’s why were calling Dr. Urken”.  To me that sends up a red flag, to me that says it’s not doing bleeding.  Oh!! How I am beginning to hate this routine.  The new flap is purple in color.  On two different occasions they used leeches on the “purple” skin.  Within minutes of using the leeches the skin began to turn pink in color.  How amazing that a small little creature that we seem to fear can be used in such a medically amazing way.  I found it to be fascinating to watch.  Once they (the leech) has had his/her fill of blood, they become sleepy and fall off.  It reminds me of “tryptophan” for humans.  We left her around 8:30 so she can get some rest, she needs all that she can get. 

It’s really snowing hard here in NYC and there has also been some thunder and lighting.   Something I’ve never witnessed or at least can’t remember seeing in the middle of a snow storm.  Crazy how nature works.  Crazy how anything works.

Another Day of Waiting

I can’t believe that the first month of the New Year is already almost over.  Where does the time go?  I had planned on writing on the blog almost daily as a New Years Resolution.  However, as you can see that I have not done so.  Why do I bother making such resolutions anyway?  I can almost never keep them; actually I can NEVER keep them.  I do well for the first few weeks, and then I fall off the so-called bandwagon.  It just seems that life gets busy and I don’t have time.  Before you know it I will be back in school and my time will again be very limited for leisurely activity.

On 1/14/11 I finished the first of 4 Clinicals for the Occupational Therapy program.  I completed two weeks for my level I Fieldwork at an outpatient hand therapy clinic.  I absolutely loved it and think that I am going to pursue Hand Therapy.  I have kind of been thinking about it for a few years, but after spending two weeks in a Hand Therapy Clinic, I’ve made up my mind.  I am kicking myself in the ASS though, because I should’ve chosen this setting for my 12 week affiliate.  Oh!! Well, You live and learn I guess.

Just a few short days ago, I returned to the UC campus to get another semester underway.  I am excited, but again very anxious.  I don’t look forward to all the long hours of homework and studying.  I know it will all be well worth it in the end, but I hate all those long hours.  I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it too right.  It looks like we’ll have a lot of assignments to do, but for some reason I don’t think it will be as overwhelming as last semester. Maybe, that is because my one class last semester was a lot of busy work.  I hate busy work.

I got some great news in the mail on Friday 1/14/11, I made the Dean’s Honor List at UC.  I’ve never been on the Dean’s List before, so this is quite and accomplishment for me.  I admit I worked really hard for this.  I hope that I can maintain it and possibly graduate with high honors.  That would be great!!  It will also show all of those teachers who long ago told me that I was not college material.  As Toby Keith says in his song “How do you like me now?”  Hehehe!!!

On this snowy morning in NYC, as I sit here writing this blog, my mom is in pre-admissions getting ready to undergo yet another 10-12 hour surgery.  If I could have taken her place I would have done so in a heartbeat.  She as endured so much pain, heartache and disappointments over many years.  She is such a wonderful woman and deserves the BEST of everything.  I’ve come to accept that Beth Israel Medical Center and Gillman Hall are our home away from home.  We’ve spent so many days/nights here over the 14 months.  Even the doorman “Jimmy” at Gillman Hall considers us family.  He would do anything for us and always goes out of his way to help us out.  What a great guy.

I must prepare for a long day of waiting…….