Emotions

Well my mom underwent her 3^rd “free-flap” surgery yesterday.  A year ago in November & December she underwent her 1^st & 2^nd “fibular free-flap” surgery.  Yesterday, she underwent a similar procedure however this time bone, skin and tissue was taken from her left hip.  They were not able to do the implants for the dental posts at this time.  It was a long surgical procedure 10-12 hours.  She did not get out of recovery until around 9pm.  Today she is in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (S.I.C.U.).  I have to say out of all the times I’ve been in/on this unit it did not bother me.  Today, however, I am overcome with emotions.  I am scared, sad, worried, and nervous among the many feelings.  There are so many bells, whistles and lights.  You would think that this is suppose to be a quiet place, but it’s chaotic and noisy.  There was a gentleman in there this morning almost directly across from her bed, and he was playing some soft music on his acoustic guitar, which was somewhat comforting.

I don’t want to say that she (my mom) looks good, because how can anyone in the SICU look good?  She looks horrible.  Her face is swollen, she has all kinds of tubes coming out of everywhere.  Every time they poke inside her mouth I get really nervous.  I know that they are looking for it to bleed.  At one point they (the residents) were poking around in her mouth and began to walk away.  When dad & I asked “how’s it look?”, they replied “that’s why were calling Dr. Urken”.  To me that sends up a red flag, to me that says it’s not doing bleeding.  Oh!! How I am beginning to hate this routine.  The new flap is purple in color.  On two different occasions they used leeches on the “purple” skin.  Within minutes of using the leeches the skin began to turn pink in color.  How amazing that a small little creature that we seem to fear can be used in such a medically amazing way.  I found it to be fascinating to watch.  Once they (the leech) has had his/her fill of blood, they become sleepy and fall off.  It reminds me of “tryptophan” for humans.  We left her around 8:30 so she can get some rest, she needs all that she can get. 

It’s really snowing hard here in NYC and there has also been some thunder and lighting.   Something I’ve never witnessed or at least can’t remember seeing in the middle of a snow storm.  Crazy how nature works.  Crazy how anything works.